A Love Letter

My most faithful readers,

My absence for the past two monthish is embarrassing. I made a goal to blog every day, and instead, I’ve abandoned you. I’m sure many of you have stayed up late shaking your computer yelling “why” at my disappearance (oh…only me?). But, you can put your computers down, and take a nice sigh of relief because I’m still here!

If I had to give one “good” reason for my non-writing, it would be that I’ve been uninspired. I’m obsessed with Google Reader and I read blogs daily of people doing crazy things with food, their lives, their houses – and I just didn’t feel like I stacked up. I’m not inspirational every day, I rarely make new amazing concoctions (although tonight I did make sweet potato fries as dinner which was pretty delicious), and to be really honest, most of the time, the last thing I feel like doing at the end of a long day is writing. I’d rather be watching Real Housewives of Orange County or House Hunters.

So I apologize. Forgive me?

This love letter though, is not to you. Well it is, kinda. But I’m writing it to me. Because I had one of those horrible, rotten, no good kinda days for no reason. Literally no reason. And I was mad at myself all day for having one of those days and not being able not to have it. 

I just reread that paragraph about 4 times. How can I be so hard on myself?

I’ve spent the past 2 months working on me. Being in the gym more than I’m not. Working my tail off. Investing time in important relationships. Putting myself in uncomfortable situations in order for me to grow. I am amazing, and that’s how I treat myself?

I once wrote a post in my old personal blog about how happiness is not a quest I go on – I have it. So I’m saying this to me now: I am worthy. I am amazing. I create my own happiness. I am loved. I am respected. I am trusted. I am strong. I am resilient. I am a fighter. I am smart. I am creative. 

At the end of the day, I love myself. I have fought too hard to be where I am to not. 

I will not belittle this by saying how I’m trying not to be cheesy because I want you to write your own “I am” statements. Maybe some are the same. Maybe some are different. Maybe they aren’t even “I am” statements. I just ask that you not make them “I’m not” statements.

In a world where we are constantly told that we can do anything we put our mind to, but we are never enough, I struggle to find a balance.

I’m not there. Today was one of those days that showed it.

But I realized I’m stronger than I thought. I didn’t go grab a pint of ice cream or skip out on my responsibilities. I didn’t go buy anything or eat some candy (I’m really stuck on this food thing, clearly). I sat down and dealt with the emotions I was feeling. Accepted them. And made sweet potato fries. Because those are awesome, although I’m still working on the whole how to make them crunchy and thick and not kinda saggy and mushy.

This is not an easy journey. I’m still in a sour mood and wish for so many things that I don’t currently have (focused mainly on bagels, pizza and Oreos), but you deal with the dice you’re dealt. 

I may not be my biggest fan, today. But tomorrow is a new day. I don’t know what it holds, but I do know that tomorrow, I’ll still be awesome.

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